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I Was Made to Love You January 5, 2001 (White) Written by: Jane Espenson | ||
| Teaser | ||
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INT. TRAINING ROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT 1) BUFFY trains as GILES looks on, punching and kicking what appears to be a heavy bag, just off-screen.
Spike! Spike wants me. how obscene is that? She punches.
It is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. (realizing) Not that you're not attrac--
I feel gross, you know? Like, dirty. Punch-kick...
That's ridiculous. You're not responsible for what Spike thinks or feels.
Aren't I? Responsible? I mean, it had to be something about me that did it, right? Something that made Spike say... "Woof, that's the one for me." Buffy's sparring escalates into a really violent flurry of kicks and punches. Giles looks on with a little alarm.
Buffy, I think you might need to calm down a little...
Me too. ANOTHER ANGLE Reveals that what Buffy has been beating up is in fact someone in one of those ENORMOUS PADDED SUITS like they wear to train attack dogs, or for those self-defense classes. Buffy removes the suit's big puffy helmet, revealing XANDER.
Oh! Puffy Xander! I got carried away. You okay?
I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain.
Do you want to sit down?
I'm not that bendy. I can lean.
I'll get some ice. As Giles exits, Buffy helps Xander lean against the wall.
Comfy?
Oh yeah. This leaning, this is the stuff.
See, that's my secret to attracting me. It's simple. I slap 'em around a bit, torture 'em, make their lives hell...
Buffy--
...Sure, the nice guys'll run away, but every now and then you'll find a prince like Spike who gets off on it--
Buffy. Stand me up. Buffy pulls Xander to a standing position.
The problem is not you. Don't do this to yourself. Please.
But... I just... I just want to know that there's gonna be another one, another good one. One that I won't chase away.
There will be. I promise. He's out there. He could come along any minute.
Great. And the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self- involvement.
What? I don't think you're like that.
Maybe I can change. You know, work harder, spend less time Slaying, laugh at his jokes-- Men like that, don't they? The joke-laughing-at?
Or maybe you could just be Buffy and he'll see your amazing heart and fall in love with you.
That's... that's really... She can't find the word, and so instead she hugs him tightly, managing only to grab part of the big suit.
This is the day you pick to hug me. Buffy stays in the hug, leans her face against the padding.
Buffy...
Mmm?
You ever think, maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is because it's a Hellmouth? Seems to me this is a pretty terrible place to try to build anything. EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - NIGHT A car pulls up to the curb on Sunnydale's most recognizable street -- you know the one. The passenger door opens and a young woman, APRIL, gets out. She wears a pretty, bright-colored short dress and high heels. She has a pretty, open, pleasant expression and an irrepressible good nature. She looks to be the very type of sweet-natured innocent most vulnerable to the dangers of this town. She calls back into the car, where a DRIVER (man, 50s) sits behind the wheel.
Thank you for picking me up! I'm very grateful for the ride!
Hey, you sure you wanna get out here? This place is kinda-- I mean, what are you lookin' for in Sunnydale? April looks around her, drinks in the sights. She smiles.
True love. BLACK OUT.
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| Act One | ||
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INT. BUFFY'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY (DAY 2) JOYCE is modeling an attractive dress for Buffy and DAWN. She turns in a circle.
I might like it more than the others. Spin again. Joyce turns around again.
I'm not sure. Once more. Joyce turns.
Now the other way. Joyce starts to turn the other way, then stops.
You're messing with me.
Just wanted to see how many time you'd do it.
(to Buffy) Was that five or four-and-a-half?
So is anyone going to talk about the dress?
I like it.
You sure? It's not too, you know, mom-ish?
Oh. That was why I liked it.
You're both crazy! It's not mom-ish at all! It's sexy! It screams randy-sex- kitten-buy-me-one-drink-and-I'll... Wait... that's not good either.
(sarcastic) I'm so glad you two agreed to help. (then) Oh God, what time is it?
(checks her watch) Four-twenty-three. You have lots of time 'til seven. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops so tell us all about this Brian and guy and what his intentions are.
Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny?
No, he works at a publishing house. A nice, normal guy, okay?
I've heard of those.
I met him my first day back at the gallery when I was still kinda shaky, you know, starting over. He asked a question about these antique cameos and I was so lost 'cause Carol did the ordering while I was sick. But it turned out he didn't know anything about them either, so we had a lot to talk about.
So, what's the plan for tonight?
Dinner and then a movie. Or maybe it was a movie and then dinner. Which might be better because then we can talk about the movie. Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because you can't talk during and then what's the point of any of it. Also, what kind of a restaurant? One with candles and romantic music, or is that pushing it?
I think a date should be in a real fancy restaurant, then champagne at a night club with a floor show, then ballroom dancing.
Unfortunately, we're not dating in a movie from the thirties. Buffy, what do you think? Should I try to make things romantic or sort of let him set the pace?
Oh no, Love-Doctor Buffy is not in. I'm not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends and they both left. Really left. Left town left.
Honey, you've just had some bad luck.
(to Buffy) You're going to that Spring Break party tonight, right? Maybe you'll meet someone there.
Right. Or maybe Brian has a son and Mom and me can go on some unspeakably awkward double dates.
Oh God-- Brian. What time is it now?
Four twenty-four.
You're sure this dress is okay?
Spin again. Real fast this time. EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - DAY TARA and ANYA are walking along the street.
Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me, not so much. You really understand all that?
Oh, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like -- whoa -- I'm eleven hundred years old here -- I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans.
I go on-line sometimes, but everyone has really bad spelling. It's depressing.
Oh, but you have to try on-line trading. It's great. The secret is avoiding the tech companies everyone was jumping on, and going with the smaller firms that supply them with the basic components... Tara stifles a yawn.
Uh-huh.
Anyway, I took my money, from working for Giles, and I tripled it.
Tripled? Like first money, then money money money?
Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope. They're interrupted by April, who cheerfully blocks their way.
Hi! Tara and Anya share a puzzled look -- they don't know this girl.
Hi?
I'm looking for Warren. Do you know where Warren is? And if you do, could you tell me?
Um... I don't think we know a Warren. Anya shakes her head, confirming it.
All righty! No harm in asking! Thanks! She turns away, and stops a nearby MAN.
Hi! Do you know Warren? I need to find him. Tara and Anya hesitate for a second. As they move on:
You can do this stuff with a regular computer?
I'll show you! Also, you can see the web site I designed for the magic shop. Huge photo of me... INT. COMMONS - NIGHT Later that night -- the party has begun. Lots of college kids and music and beer. The place is decorated with a beachy Spring Break theme -- sand and beach umbrellas and tiki torches -- many of the guests in Hawaiian shirts. BUFFY AND XANDER Dance together.
How you doin'? Having o' the fun?
You know? I really am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy.
I think I liked it more when you were kicking me in the my puffy groin. ANYA AND WILLOW AND TARA Hold plastic cups and watch Buffy and Xander dance.
I let them do that. Dance together. That was me.
Very nice of you.
A good deed.
Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now. BUFFY AND XANDER Part as the dance ends. Xander heads back toward Anya. Buffy sees BEN standing nearby, nibbling off a plate of snacks. He hasn't noticed her yet. She pauses and really looks at him. She reaches a decision and walks into his line of sight, lingers there until he sees her and says:
Buffy! She looks over, "notices" him.
Ben, I didn't know you were here! And again with the non-medical clothing!
Actually, these are orthopedic pants. Oh man, that sounded so funny in my head. Buffy laughs more than necessary.
It is funny! Very, very funny in my head too.
Having a good time?
Yeah. I was dancing earlier and my friends are here-- (catching herself) But this isn't all about me. Are you enjoying yourself?
I am now. Awkward beat.
Would, um, would you like to dance or something?
I'm not really... good... rhythm... Sure. I'd love to. (indicates plate) I'll just go dump this... be right back. Ben moves away. AT THE SNACK TABLE Anya takes a handful of Chex mix. She, Xander, WARREN and other party guests, many of them male, are crowded around a snack table. Warren is 20-ish, a little nerdy and awkward.
(re: Chex Mix) Look at these tiny grain patties -- they're woven! That's craftsmanship. She stuffs a huge handful into her mouth.
They aren't hand-woven, you know.
(mouth full) Then how?
Well, it's, um, a machine, and it... it sort of... it presses... APRIL Walks into the party -- she's visible from the snack table. Every male head turns. There are general murmurs of appreciation: "Whoa," "Check out the new talent"...
(distracted by April) ...there may be a mold of some sort... who's that? The guys around Xander are also staring. Warren's the only one who flinches. He ducks back into the crowd, disappears.
Oh, that girl. Tara and I met her. She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely. Xander looks fondly at Anya.
Some of us like that kind of thing in a girl. Anya gets that he's talking about her, and smiles at him. Aprils looks around her attentively.
Warren? Warren ducks through the crowd. He arrives at KATRINA, an attractive, but bookish-looking young woman.
Hi. Did you get me a drink?
We've gotta go. She's gonna see me.
See who? Warren, what's up?
It doesn't matter. Come on. He tugs her away. BACK AT THE SNACK TABLE Willow comes over to Xander and Anya. Xander is still looking across the room at April.
Hi. I thought you were getting crunchies.
Xander got hypnotized by the strange girl. I am remaining calm, however.
Huh? No. I'm right with you. Don't know what you're talking about. (nervous) Here she comes. April comes over to them.
I heard that Warren was here. Is Warren here?
Um... Warren who?
He's Warren and he's looking for me. He lost me. April moves to the next group of guests.
Is Warren here? Tara joins Xander, Anya and Willow.
It's that girl again. (to Anya) She's still looking for "Warren"? Weird. It's been, like, all day.
There's something strange about her. She talks funny.
Some men find that appealing.
I just hope she finds him.
Somehow I don't think a girl who looks like that is gonna be lonely for too long.
Yeah. I mean, maybe this Warren guy is gone, but maybe there's some guy she's neglected that'll pop up right when she doesn't even know she needs him. AND IMMEDIATELY, WE'RE WITH SPIKE AND BUFFY Buffy is still alone, waiting for Ben, starting to look a little bit abandoned. Suddenly she senses something. She tenses, turns around to spot Spike. Her look is cold hate.
Small world. Oh dear, if looks could stake. Are you having fun, pet? Trolling for your next ex? Gotta say... He glances at the Hawaiian-shirted boys chugging beers...
You could do better.
I told you--
You think I was gonna leave town? Free country. Free party. You want me to leave you can put your hands on my hot tight little body and make me.
(clenched) Get away from me. Spike considers pushing his luck, but moves away. Ben hurries over to Buffy, who is still looking at the retreating Spike.
Was that guy bothering you? Should I, um, offer to get inappropriately violent or something? Buffy smiles, turns her attention to Ben. Spike pauses in the b.g., watches unobtrusively.
That's okay.
Good, 'cause, honestly... I don't wanna.
So, ready to dance?
Um... first...?
What's that? Ben is holding a scrap of paper. Brightly colored-something distinctive that we'll recognize later.
Oh, yeah... my phone number. I was gonna try to work it subtly into the conversation, but... didn't pan out. And I figured I should try to give it to you before you see me dance. He holds it out. Buffy hesitates, but takes it. Spike, in the b.g., observes the transfer, eyes narrowed.
You know, in case you want to get coffee...
Oh! That's... thank you! But I should tell you, I've got this kind of bad history. Where we have coffee and, well, it ends up with you leaving town, and you just got here and everything--
Hmm. Apparently we'd be risking a tragic chain reaction, but I just really like... coffee. I think coffee might be worth it. I'd like to get to know coffee better. Buffy smiles at him.
Then I'll call you. And in the b.g. we see Spike make a decision. He looks around him hastily, spots April. SPIKE Goes to April.
(loudly) And who are you, darlin'? Spike glances up to see if Buffy has noticed him approaching April. She has.
I'm April. I'm looking for my fella.
Maybe you just found him.
Really? Where? Spike leans in close, hands on her shoulders, and whispers in her ear, standing far too close... Suddenly April rears back.
Oh! She picks Spike up easily. He struggles, startled.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
That would be wrong! You are not my boyfriend! APRIL THROWS SPIKE THROUGH A WINDOW BLACK OUT.
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| Act Two | ||
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INT./EXT. COMMONS - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS The alarmed party-goers stare, shocked, at the scene around the broken window -- we can hear some exclaiming "what happened" and "she just went nuts," etc. Many of the guest are already making their way out of the party. April, Buffy, Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara watch from the crowd as Spike, cut and pissed-off, struggles to his feet outside the window.
Bloody hell, you threw me through a window! What's that about?
You cannot make those suggestions to me. I have a boyfriend. Warren is my boyfriend.
Know what? My bleedin' sympathies to Warren. Spike exits walking off down the street, trying to maintain his dignity -- he hides a limp. Aprils turns to address the crowd.
No one but Warren can touch me! More party-goers back away from the obviously crazy girl. Buffy steps toward April. April tries to move around her, but Buffy blocks her.
(cautiously) Hi... Listen... maybe you and I should talk. Because, throwing Spike through a window, that's... well, that's good. But in general--
Do you know my boyfriend?
Okay, I think you need to take a second to stop looking for your boyfriend-- APRIL PICKS UP BUFFY AND TOSSES HER ASIDE. She looks down at Buffy sympathetically.
I have to find him. If I hurt you just now I am sorry and I hope your boyfriend will take good care of you. April steps through the broken window and exits. INT. ROOM NEAR COMMONS - LATER (NIGHT) Buffy, Xander, Willow, Anya and Tara have moved to a quiet room off the Commons to discuss what just happened. Buffy is flexing her bruised arm.
Ow. I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.
At least she didn't do too much damage.
Are you kidding? Double-glazed glass is not cheap. Also, the jamb has to be completely rebuilt-- Oh dear god, I'm the grown-up who sees the world through my job. I'm my Uncle Dave the plumber and I must be shunned.
Okay.
So, what the deal with the girl? I mean, what is she? 'Cuz this may sound nuts, but I had this real strong impression she was a...
Robot.
Robot.
I was gonna say robot. Okay, so what does she want?
Warren. Whoever that is.
Gotta be the guy that built her.
Kind of an unusual name. There's hardly any except Warren Beatty and, you know, President Harding. (beat) It's probably not either of them.
Sounds like a nerd to me.
Hey, President Harding was quite the package when he was young. He had these amazing gray eyes--
Willow, can you track this guy down with just a first name?
Sure, given enough time. I can get a list of Sunnydale students named Warren tonight, but then we'd need to call 'em, or go to their dorms... we probably can't really start narrowing it down 'til tomorrow.
She could do some damage then.
To who? Spike? See me vigorously not caring. Also, she was looking for this Warren, but it didn't sound like she wanted to hurt him. She said he's her boyfriend.
I agree. I'm not sure this is a code red, guys. Is there a code pink? We need more codes.
Fine. We find Warren tomorrow. Tonight I better go rescue Giles. He's watching Dawn while Mom's on her date, and I get the feeling there's only so much he can take.
Oh, Giles and Dawny? I bet they ended up having a blast.
Dear God, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. INT. BUFFY'S FOYER - NIGHT Buffy and Giles stand just inside the open front door. Giles is ready to leave.
We're simply going to have to change the system. A fourteen- year-old is too old to be baby-sat for. It's not fair to her. Buffy reads between the lines.
What did she make you do?
Well, we listened to some aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance, then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
I'm so sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my fun-time-Buffy party night involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, so if you want to trade... no wait, I wouldn't give up that memory for anything.
A robot? That's interesting.
We're going to work on it in the morning. Or, if you wanted to hang out a little longer, you and I could-- Joyce arrives from outside, looking very happy.
So who wants to hear everything?
...listen to Mom talk about boys.
Yes, right! Must go! See you tomorrow! Good-bye, Joyce.
Bye, Rupert! Giles exits. Joyce closes the door.
Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be!
I don't know, I was standing right there. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't see a good- night kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me. Joyce is taking off her coat.
Yes, I suppose by your standards it would seem pretty-- Oh dear.
What?
I left my bra in his car.
Mother!
I'm joking!
Good God! That's horrible! Don't do that!
I left it in the restaurant. Buffy runs up the stairs, hands over her ears.
No more! No more!
(called after) On the dessert cart! DAWN enters from the kitchen, licking cookie dough off her fingers.
What the heck is going on out here?
I'm just torturing your sister.
I'm for it. How was the date?
Good. Really good.
You gonna see him again?
You know? I hope so. I think he had a good time. And what did you do tonight?
Irritated Giles. I'm beginning to get why Buffy likes it so much. EXT. SUNNYDALE - NIGHT Shot of the town to establish that it's the middle of the night. Nothing moves. Over the shot we hear a DOORBELL. EXT. STREET - NIGHT A quiet street. It's the middle of the night. April stands at a front door. A sleepy RESIDENT comes to the door.
(out of it) Yes? What?
Hi! Does Warren live here? The resident wakes up fully... not happy.
What the hell...? What are you doing? It's three-thirty!
Yes, it is! Does Warren live here? No answer. Just an angry, incredulous look and a slammed door.
(to the door) Okay then! Bye! Wearing a hopeful smile that is starting to be tinged with sadness, she walks to the next house over. INT. MAGIC BOX - DAY (DAY 3) The next morning. Buffy, Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya and Giles are gathered around the table. A few CUSTOMERS browse at the other end of the store. Willow types on her lap-top.
And you're certain she was a robot?
Absolutely.
She practically had "Genuine Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass. (off their looks) Just tryin' a little spicy-talk.
She was looking for someone named Warren.
Willow already checked the Sunnydale enrollment.
And got nothin'. I found one Warren but he moved out of the country a year ago... I'm trying nearby schools...
Whoever he is, he knows his stuff. That girl was... well... that was a nice looking girl.
(to Buffy) It's okay for him to say that because I know that he really loves me only. Xander takes Anya's hand. Buffy notices the nice moment, not jealously, but a little wistfully.
Perhaps there's something the rest of us should be doing...
What can we do?
Do you have any books on robots?
Oh, yes -- dozens. There's a lot of research to be done in order to-- no, I'm lying. Haven't got squat -- I just like watching Xander squirm.
Funny. Charming and funny.
Hey, the no-research angle likes me just fine. But I'm still gonna have to --
Hey! I think I found him! Warren Mears. He was at Sunnydale High with us for a semester, then he went to the Tech College over in Dutton. I've got a local address where his folks still live.
He's probably home for Spring Break.
I'll go talk to him. Buffy stands up.
Wait. We don't know what you're walking into. I'd like to have a notion of what purpose the robot serves. What was he setting out to accomplish?
Um... Don't you think she's just...
Yeah... sort of just a...
She's a sex bot. I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that? Beautiful girl with no other thought but to please you, willing to do anything... He looks around the table at all the women... Anya, Tara, Willow, Buffy... all wearing looks ranging between disgust and more disgust.
Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but he'd get it.
Why would anyone do that if they could have a real live person?
Maybe he couldn't. Find a real person.
Oh, come on! The guy's a big wedge of sleaze! Don't make excuses for him.
I'm not. I'm just saying... people get lonely. And having someone around, even someone you made up, well, maybe it's a little easier.
But it's so weird. I mean, everyone wants a nice, normal person to, you know, share with. If this guy, if he couldn't find that... I guess it's kind of sad. Buffy registers that. INT. TRAINING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER - DAY Buffy takes out the piece of paper Ben gave her at the party, and looks at his phone number. She looks over at the phone on the wall, hesitates... She picks up the receiver. INT. GLORY'S APARTMENT - SAME TIME - DAY GLORY is writhing n the middle of a MORPH.
Arrrrrwwwwggg! It's gradual and painful and horrible. When it's complete.... CLOSE ON BEN Sweating and out of breath. The phone rings. He picks up the receiver.
(a little ragged) Hello?... INTERCUT WITH BUFFY in the training room.
Hi. It's Buffy. This a bad time? It's kinda early.
No. I just... I just got in is all. Night shift at the hospital. I'm glad you called.
Well, I found your phone number in my pocket and I thought I might as well pick up the phone a couple times and hang up and finally call to see if you want to, you know, have that coffee or, whatever, whatever you want to do.
Yes. Yes. Coffee would be great... tomorrow night... sure... Bye! He hangs up, looking satisfied. WIDER ANGLE Reveals that HE'S STILL WEARING GLORY'S LITTLE DRESS. He looks down, registers this.
Oh, fine. INT. WARREN'S HOUSE - DAY The living room of a middle-class house. Warren is stuffing clothes into a duffel bag. Katrina watches, confused.
But we just got here. If you don't want to be here, why didn't we just stay in Dutton? Or we could've gone to my sister's.
I don't want to hear about your sister's place again. Pack your stuff now.
Why the rush? It's real early. Are we even going to say good-bye to your mom?
You can call her.
Warren, is there something going on you don't want me to see?
Katrina, if you don't want to pack, that's fine. You can buy new stuff. Now let's just go. He goes to the front door and opens it just as Buffy was raising her hand to knock.
I have to talk to you.
Who's this? Warren looks past Katrina to Buffy.
Is this about her?
Yes.
Her who? Something's going on here -- strange girls--
Trina, please be quiet. This is important. Wait in the kitchen.
And I'm not important? Warren, tell her to go away.
I can't.
You're keeping secrets from me... other girls, who knows what else!
Shut up, Trina!
Okay. That's it. Forget it, Warren. I'm gone. Katrina storms out. Warren doesn't go after her.
My name is Buffy Summers. You were at Sunnydale High. Do you know who I am?
Yes. I know. April. Did she hurt someone?
Not yet. Well, no one that matters.
She's looking for me, you know. She followed me here.
Okay, kinda figured that out.
There's more. Something you need to know about her.
I know.
No, wait. Something important.
Believe me, I worked it out.
No. This is something you can't possibly know. The camera PUSHES IN on Warren. Everything signals that a big act-break type piece of info is on the way...
She's a robot. Buffy looks at him -- no kidding.
Y'uh-huh. BLACK OUT.
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| Act Three | ||
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INT. MAGIC BOX - DAY Tara, Willow and Xander are heading toward the front door. Giles and Anya are nearby, stocking some shelves. Dawn is there now, wearing her backpack, and she trails after Tara, Willow and Xander...
A robot? Really? Is it Ted? 'Cuz I always said there could've been more than one of him.
Nope. Whole new robot. This one's a girl. Xander opens the front door for everyone to exit, and stands holding it open as he turns back to say...
(to Dawn) Buffy's busy tracking down the guy that made her, so I'll drop you off at school and if she's not finished --
Comin' through! Comin' through! Spike runs into the store, under a severely smoldering blanket. Everyone backs away very quickly. Spike throws the blanket off violently just as it BURSTS INTO FLAMES.
Fire! Fire! Spike stomps out the fire. Then he pulls himself together and looks around casually as if he'd just strolled in.
Hallo all. What's going on, then?
You're not welcome here, Spike.
Yeah, and by the way, we're working on a way to de-invite you from here, too, even if it is a public place.
Nah, forget that. Letting him in is good, 'cuz then we get to toss him out.
Oh! Can we throw him through the window like the robot did? 'Cuz that was neat.
Robot. That what she was? Knew that wasn't right. I've still got a limp, look-- Spike starts to demonstrate his limp, then notices Dawn.
Hey, someone who's glad to see me. Aren't you, Little Bit? Dawn can't even bring herself to look at him.
(clenched teeth) Get away from me. Tara steps forward to protect Dawn.
I think you better go.
Okay, now I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations. Misunderstandings. Slurs and allegations. See, I don't know what Buffy told you, but the thing was, the Slayer and I worked together, side by side, to get rid of Dru, who was up to no good, I don't mind telling you-- Giles goes to Spike, stands over him. Quietly intense and Ripper-y.
Spike. Listen to me.
It's just, I'm trying to explain that she might have said some things that sounded like I expressed some kind of-- Giles swats Spike back against a wall in a controlled and almost casual way -- just a preview of what he could do. Spike looks at him, shocked.
We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. There is no way to Buffy. Giles picks up the wet and charred blanket and shoves it roughly into Spike's arms.
Now clear out of here. And Spike, this thing... get over it.
Don't know what you mean--
Yes. You do. Move the hell on. Spike considers making a reply, but instead he pulls the burned blanket up over his head and turns for the door. He limps out miserably. Over this we hear:
So you've got girl troubles. INT. WARREN'S HOUSE - DAY Buffy and Warren in the living room. He looks guilty and miserable. Buffy leans in, accusatory:
They don't want to talk to you, you're not getting dates, and you start thinking, "this isn't fair."
Well, yeah, I felt like I deserve to have someone, you know? Everyone deserves to have someone.
So, naturally, you turned to manufacturing.
Kinda.
How long did it take you to build yourself that little toy?
She's not a toy. I mean, I know what you're thinking. But she's more than that.
I'm sure there are many exciting labor-saving attachments--
No! I mean, I made her to love me. She cares about what I care about and she wants to be with me. She listens to me and supports me. I didn't make a toy, I made a girlfriend.
A girlfriend? Are you saying you two... are you in love with her?
I really thought I would be. I mean, she's perfect. But it's just... I don't know. It was too easy and predictable. She got boring. She was exactly what I wanted and I didn't want her. I thought I was going crazy. Buffy snorts.
Really? You?
Then something happened. Katrina was in my engineering seminar, and she was really funny and cool -- she was always giving me a hard time, real unpredictable. She builds these little model monorails that run with magnets. Anyway, I fell in love with Katrina.
Swell. Romance and magnet trains. But first, you took April out of the box, played with her for five minutes and got bored. So what did you do, dump her? Tell her to go away?
Kind of.
And she got mad? Wouldn't go?
Um... okay... I didn't really dump her so much as I... went out and didn't come back. I left her... I left her in my dorm room.
You left her in your dorm room?!
I figured if I could just kinda get away 'til her batteries gave up, which should have been days ago...
Did you even tell her? Did you even give her a chance to fix what was wrong?
I didn't need to fix anything! Her batteries were supposed to run down, really! They should completely be dead by now!
So why aren't they?
I don't know. Maybe... maybe she's recharging them somehow.
Listen, Warren, this is important. Is she dangerous?
She's only programmed to be in love.
Then she's dangerous. You have any idea how to find her?
She's looking for me. So my guess is she's probably pretty close. EXT. PLAYGROUND - DAY The playground of a park near Warren's house -- swings, seesaw, sandbox. Katrina is walking through it -- the brisk walk of the truly pissed-off. Suddenly April steps in front of Katrina, bringing her up short.
Hi! Katrina starts to brush past April, but April steps in front of her again, still perky and smiling.
Do you know where Warren is? I need to get to Warren.
Okay, this is getting insane. How many of you are there?
There's only me. April.
April. Fine. Listen up, April. Warren is my boyfriend. Mine. And you others probably ought to figure that-- Ow! April grabs Katrina by the arm, viciously hard.
Let go! That hurts! Katrina pulls away, trying to wrench her arm out of April's grasp and run away.
Don't go! You have to stay and tell the truth! April pulls Katrina closer. Katrina struggles and April ends up holding her in both arms -- a bear hug.
What-- stop! April squeezes Katrina.
You're a liar. He can't be your boyfriend. Say that he's my boyfriend!
I can't... I can't breathe... let go... April squeezes harder. We hear the faint horrible sound of Katrina's ribs beginning to crack.
(confused) You need to stop lying. INT. CHAMBER UNDER SPIKE'S CRYPT - DAY Spike throws a handful of photographs of Buffy into a cardboard box. He follows it with her cashmere sweater, other clothing... everything that remains of his ruined Buffy shrine. Every gesture is of anger and dismissal.
Damn right, I'll move on. EXT. PLAYGROUND - DAY Buffy and Warren walk through the playground.
(calls) April? April, are you there? (to Buffy) If the batteries are still working, and she hears my voice, she'll answer.
She's, like, voice-activated?
Well, I made it so if she heard me and she didn't answer... it causes this kind of feedback.
If you call her and she doesn't answer, it hurts her. You're one creepy little dweeb, Warren…
(calls) April! CLOSE ON APRIL
Warren! Warren and Buffy turn to see her. Their eyes reflect shock.
April.
(scared) Where have you been? CUT WIDER TO REVEAL April is holding up the limp body of Katrina, by the neck.
I couldn't find you and this girl kept lying to me, and then she went to sleep. BLACK OUT.
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| Act Four | ||
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EXT. PLAYGROUND - CONTINUOUS - DAY Buffy, Warren, April and the injured Katrina are where we left them. Katrina sags in April's grasp.
April... what did you do?
Please don't be angry, Warren. I'm trying very hard to make you happy.
April. I want you to put the girl down.
Warren? What should I do?
(to Warren) Talk to her.
Put her down. This is Buffy. Give Katrina to Buffy. April willingly lets Buffy collect Katrina's unconscious body.
Is she broken? Buffy settles Katrina on a bench, checks her pulse...
She's alive.
Thank God.
Warren, honey? What's going on? Why did you go away? Is it a game?
No. This isn't a game.
Did I do something wrong? I waited a long time and you didn't come back. A long time. I made you five sweaters.
That's great. You could go back there and get them. You could wait there--
Warren. You have to tell her. Do it right. Warren takes a deep breath, bracing himself.
What is she saying? What do you need to tell me?
April. It was my mistake.
You can't make mistakes.
But I did. I thought I made you everything I wanted. But it wasn't what I really wanted. APRIL'S POV - ROBOT VISION Warren's face, on flat-looking video. Around the edges, tiny file folders are clustered -- it looks like a window's desktop. The heading is "Make Warren Happy." There are a lot of files and they only appear briefly. If you look quick you might see that some of them are labeled: "Places to Rub," "Listen Sympathetically," "Give Him Presents," "Oral Sex (File 1 of 7)," "Praise."
(on Robot vision) I'm sorry. But it's over. BACK TO REGULAR VIEW
But I can be whatever you want. I love you. I'll do whatever you want. Would you like a neck rub?
April, I know you love me, but the truth is, I can't love you. It isn't your fault, but... I don't love you. April is shaken and looks at Warren with danger in her eyes. APRIL'S POV - ROBOT VISION The image jumps and wavers, the file folders fade and shift location, the colors face... it looks like a computer with a glitch. When the image clears, the folders are gone and a cross-hair is now superimposed over Warren's face. Warren is seen to flinch, and back away. He points at Buffy.
(on Robot vision) I love her! April's POV pivots to frame a shocked looking Buffy. Buffy is under the cross-hairs now. "FIGHT FOR BOYFRIEND" starts flashing at the bottom of the screen BACK TO NORMAL VIEW -- APRIL LOOKS AT BUFFY April growls.
(to Warren) She growls? You made her so she growls? April attacks Buffy and we've got ourself a Slayer-vs-Robot fight! April THROWS Buffy -- she lands hard. As Buffy regains her feet, Aprils easily RIPS A SEESAW FROM ITS BASE -- a huge wooden paddle. April slams this weapon down on Buffy. Buffy manages to grab it and wrest it away from the robot. Buffy SWINGS it, knocking April's feet out from under her. The seesaw also strikes the edge of the bench, and Katrina starts to stir to consciousness. April gets up. Buffy hits her again with the seesaw, but April grabs it away from her and tosses it aside. We see now that Buffy's last blow ripped open April's side... wires and circuitry are exposed. April flies at Buffy, bare-fisted punching now. Buffy fights back, kicks and punches. Katrina is fully awake now...
What's going on?
Trina! Get away! Katrina scrambles up off the bench, her hand at her neck where April grabbed her. She looks over at Buffy and April locked in battle -- she sees Aprils' exposed circuits.
What... What is... that's a robot!
She wasn't just for sex!
Is this... this is your ex- girlfriend? You built her?! Warren takes a step toward Katrina.
No! Get the hell away from me! Katrina exits and Warren runs after her.
Katrina! No! Listen to me...! The fight continues... Buffy and the robot are by a swing set now. Buffy pulls a swing back and launches it at April... it hits her and throws her back. Buffy launches herself at April, but April is quickly on her feet, driving Buffy back... April ends up with a hand around Buffy's throat. She could crush her larynx. Buffy gasps for breath, and kicks, but her feet are off the ground.
You took my man! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to... April looks puzzled. Her hand is still around Buffy's throat, but she's having trouble closing it...
I can't... can't crush... so tired... Buffy steps back, disengaging her throat from April's hand. April looks helplessly at her empty hand. She looks around for Warren.
Warren? Where are you? What's happening to me? TIME CUT TO: EXT. PLAYGROUND - LATER - DAY Buffy and April sit on the swings. April is weaker. She leans against her swing's chain.
Can you cry? I feel better if I cry sometimes. But, I don't know, maybe there's rust issues... April's voice is especially soft and sweet now...
Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry.
Oh.
I've rechecked everything. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good girlfriend.
I'm sure you were.
I'm only supposed to love him. If I can't do that, what am I for? What do I exist for?
I don't know. It isn't fair. He wasn't fair to you.
It's getting dark. It's so early to be dark. Buffy looks around -- it's full daylight.
Yeah.
What if he comes back and he can't find me in the dark?
I'm here. I'll make sure he finds you.
Maybe this is a girlfriend test. If I wait here patiently this time, he'll come back.
I'm sure he will. And he's going to say... he'll say that he's so sorry. He told me... He said he was proud of you and impressed with how much you love him and try to help him. He didn't mean to hurt you.
He's going to take me home and things will be right again.
It'll be fine.
When things are sad, you just have to be patient. Because... Because every cloud has a silver lining. And when life give you lemons you make lemonade...
Clouds and lemonade.
Yes. And... and things are always darkest before... April stops moving, her eyes still open, her expression the same. We hold on her a long time, long enough to realize she's not going to move again. INT. COMMONS - NIGHT Buffy watches as Xander finishes constructing a jamb. He's fixing the broken window.
You construct a wood jamb and frame the glass in it, and that's what you set into the opening.
Yeah?
And one of the cool things about that, you see, is that the jamb can be shimmed to be square even if the opening isn't.
"Shimmed?" Is that a word? Do you really know what you're talking about?
Um, I do, yeah. Scary, isn't it? I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack.
And if you ever get your own business, you've got a slogan right there. (then) She wasn't crazed.
Yeah? Hold this. He hands Buffy something to hold, as he puts the finishing touches on the jamb.
She was just... she devoted everything to making this one person happy. And then it was like, with him gone, there wasn't any reason for her to exist any more.
Robots are the strangest people.
Nah -- people are the strangest people. I mean, I'm not that different from her. I've got so much more than her -- I've got this great life, all this power, all these friends, my family, but still, every time I don't have a boyfriend, I feel like someone took away my arms. Xander stops fussing with the window and looks at Buffy, concerned.
You feel like that? Armless?
Well, kinda. I feel like something real important is missing. But it isn't. I mean, it is missing, but it isn't that important, you know?
Buffy, you're acting like you're never gonna find someone, and that's nuts. Hey, there's lots of guys where I work. Now I'm guessing you don't want a lot of spitting--
No, see, I'm serious. I don't need a guy right now. I need me. If someone amazing comes along, fine, but I think I'd like to get comfortable being alone with Buffy. She remembers something, starts digging in her pocket.
Well, I'll say this -- she's a pretty cool person to be alone with.
Thanks. She pulls form her pocket the slip of paper with Ben's number on it. Looks at it. INT. COMMONS - MINUTES LATER - NIGHT Buffy is talking into a pay phone...
Hi. This is Buffy. I hope this is your machine... there wasn't a greeting, but anyway, about the going out for coffee... INT. GLORY'S APARTMENT - SAME TIME - NIGHT CLOSE ON ANSWERING MACHINE as it continues Buffy's message...
The thing is, now I just don't think... I don't think this is a good time for me to be... drinking... coffee. Anyway, I'm sorry. And, bye. GLORY is looking down at the answering machine, perplexed...
What the hell? JINX, her minion, stands to one side.
If I may, Your Inconceivableness, it sounds to these humble ears like our Ben tried to make a date with the Slayer.
He... a date with the Slayer? No! No! No! He's planning something! He's working against me! (beat) She turned us down? INT. WARREN'S HOUSE - NIGHT Warren is in the living room, packed duffle-bag at his feet. He's talking miserable into a phone.
(into phone) Trina? No, wait... I'm so sorry... Yes, I am so... just give me a chance to explain... yes... no... yes, but... Really, I'll do anything. No! Don't hang up! He sighs and hangs up. He turns to find himself face-to-face with Spike, who is holding the cardboard box of Buffy-shrine stuff (the sweater sticks out the top a little). Warren jumps.
How'd you get in here?
Your mum let me in. I'm placing an order.
I'm not making any more girls.
Sure you are. And here's your specs. Spikes holds the box in front of Warren. Drops it. Warren catches it reflexively. Looks down at a picture of Buffy in the box.
You're gonna make her real good for me. BLACK OUT.
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