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Real Me (July 28, 2000) Written by: David Fury |
| Teaser |
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IN BLACKNESS, we hear:
(soft, hypnotic) There is nothing but you… FADE UP: INT. GYM - AFTERNOON (DAY 1) CLOSE ON BUFFY, her eyes closed, deep in concentration.
You are the center. And within you, there is the core of your being… ARC AROUND Buffy and WIDEN to find we're in the back room of a public gym.
Of what you are… Find it… Breathe into it… Still ARCHING, we find GILES slowly circling Buffy who leans with both hands over a FOUR-BY-FOUR, resting on its end.
Focus inward… Let the world fall away… fall away… fall aw- CLOSE ON BUFFY - Her eyes SNAP OPEN and all SOUND, all AMBIENT NOISE DROPS OUT - all except her BREATHING (which carries throughout the following). CUT OUT - SLO-MO - With a soft GRUNT, she FLIPS HERSELF up into a handstand, balancing atop the upended four-by-four. ON GILES, watching, simultaneously pleased and awed that she's actually pulling it off. He mouths "Good, good" but we don't hear it. BACK ON BUFFY - Her eyes closed again, lost in a Zen-like trance. A moment passes, then she shifts her weight and lifts her left hand, balancing only on her right arm. CUT WIDE AGAIN - ON BUFFY AND GILES - In the F.G., we see a card table on which rests Giles' leather bag, a few books and mystical accoutrements - as well as a small tower of talismans and crystals piled on top of each other. A SMALL HAND reaches in, to place another crystal atop the tower, and the whole thing comes NOISILY CRASHING down. NORMAL SPEED - AMBIENT SOUNDS RETURN GILES shoots an aghast look in the direction of the table. CLOSE ON BUFFY, her eyes snap open, distracted by the NOISE. WIDER - With a sharp YELP, she loses her balance and collapses, along with the FOUR-BY-FOUR, down to the padded floor. ON BUFFY, flat on her back, looking straight up as BUFFY'S POV - her "sister" DAWN appears, leaning over her.
Can we go now? Buffy, seriously peeved, narrows her eyes… BLACK OUT.
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| Act One |
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INT. DAWN'S BEDROOM - MORNING (DAY 2) PANNING ACROSS the room, adorned with a Third Eye Blind poster, a shelf of snow globes, as well as a mobile of the solar system, we hear:
Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me. It's, like, nobody cares enough to find out… We find Dawn, in her nightgown, sitting cross-legged on her stuffed animal-laden bed, writing in her diary. This is her entry, as are all her voice-overs.
I mean, does anyone ever ask me what I want to do with my life? Or what my opinion is on stuff? Or what restaurant to order from? No- underline, exclamation point. (pauses, then adds:) Exclamation point, exclamation point. No one understands. No one has an older sister who's a slayer… INT. BUFFY'S KITCHEN - A BIT LATER (DAY) ON BUFFY, opening up the refrigerator, taking out a carton of milk and putting it on the counter.
Everybody cares what she thinks. Just 'cause she can do backflips and stuff. WIDEN to see Dawn getting a box of cereal from a cabinet, and JOYCE pouring herself some coffee.
Plus Mom lets her get away with everything. 'Your sister's saving the world.' Joyce picks up the milk and pours some in her mug as Buffy takes out a bowl and puts it down. Dawn picks it up and moves off. Buffy sees her bowl gone, SIGHS, and retrieves another one as Dawn empties cereal into her bowl.
I could so save the world if somebody handed me super powers. But I'd think of a cool name and wear a mask to protect my loved ones, which Buffy doesn't even. Buffy, bowl in hand, tries to take the cereal box from Dawn. Dawn resists for a moment, and Buffy has to tear it away from her, shooting Dawn a look. Dawn takes the milk carton and pours the last of the milk on her cereal then moves to the kitchen table. Her bowl full, Buffy hands the cereal box to Joyce who puts it back in the cabinet, then pushes the plunger on the toaster. It's all fluid morning routine in this house.
So, Buffy, what are your plans today? Buffy picks up the milk carton and attempts to pour it.
Well, Giles and I- A lonely drop of milk lands on her cereal. She throws an irritated glance at… DAWN, at the table, avoiding eye contact with her. ON BUFFY - she puts her bowl down and turns back to Joyce.
Giles and I are making a little magic shop run this morning. Need to pick up some supplies for my new improved training sessions.
Oh, that's great…
Well, yeah, thanks, it's kinda exci-
You can take Dawn shopping for her back-to-school supplies.
What? ON DAWN, looking pained.
Mom! I thought you were taking me.
I know, honey. But I've got the Gurion showing tonight and there's so much to do to get the gallery ready. She heads out of the kitchen. Buffy follows.
No, but, see, Mom… INT. BUFFY'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY) Joyce crosses to her bag on the table, Buffy and Dawn on her heels.
We're just going to the magic shop. No school supplies there.
Yeah, Mom - I'm not going to Hogwarts. She smiles at her own joke, looks at Buffy, who doesn't get it. Her smile goes away.
Jeez, crack a book sometime…
I'm sure Mr. Giles won't mind dropping you and your sister off at a department store afterward.
Yes, he'll mind. This is supposed to be quality Watcher/Slayer time. I told you Dawn totally messed up my training yesterday. ON DAWN, standing in the kitchen doorway.
Did not.
Oh, you know you did, too!
Buffy, I realize the importance of your new… slayer… thing… There's a KNOCK on the front door. Joyce moves to answer it.
But I really could use your help. Joyce opens the door and RILEY enters.
Morning, Mrs. Summers. You look great.
Thank you, Riley. Buffy goes and greets Riley with a kiss as Joyce exits upstairs.
Suck up.
What, it's a nice outfit. Besides, 'I'm here to violate your firstborn' never goes over with the parents. Not sure why. More serious kissage.
Riley, my sister's boyfriend, is so into her. They're always kissing. And groping. (beat) I bet they've had sex. ON DAWN, looking disdainful. ON RILEY, as the kiss ends, he notices Dawn in the doorway.
Hey, kid. DAWN rolls her eyes and exits back into the kitchen.
I'm not a kid… BACK TO BUFFY AND RILEY.
This is a surprise of the nice kind.
(caught off guard) Now it's my turn to be surprised. Thought we had plans today.
Plans? We planned plans?
Well, you said "come over tomorrow and we'll hang." Then I said "'kay." Not the invasion of Normandy, but still a plan.
Oh, right, uh…
We're not hanging, are we?
Giles is on his way over to pick me up.
(understanding) Slayer training.
Slayer shopping, actually. (defensive) But it's just as important.
I've no doubt. Okay, we'll hook up later.
You're not mad?
No, no. I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way.
(teeny bit worried) Oh good…
(sincere) Buffy, I know what this means to you. I think it's great you've got this new mission. He kisses her on the cheek and exits.
See you tonight. (calls out) See you, kid!
I'm not a kid! REVERSE ANGLE ON BUFFY, in doorway, watching him go and feeling somehow guilty.
I sympathize with you, Buffy… INT. GILES' CAR - DAY CLOSE ON GILES, behind the wheel of a brand new red sports coupe. As he speaks, we hear random snippets of CLASSICAL MUSIC and MONOTONOUS SPEAKING VOICES.
I truly do. But I'm certain Riley understands better than anyone the importance of training. CLOSE ON BUFFY, in the front passenger seat, listening.
You can't allow personal concerns to distract you from your-Dawn. WIDEN to find Dawn leaning in from the rear - between Giles and Buffy - pushing the preset buttons on the car stereo.
Will you please stop fiddling with the radio and sit down. ON DAWN as she plops back into her seat, with a heavy sigh.
I don't think Buffy's watcher likes me too much. INT. DAWN'S BEDROOM - THAT MORNING FLASHBACK to Dawn, on her bed, scrawling in her journal.
I think it's cause he's just… so… so… (searching for word) Old. I'm not sure how old he is, but I heard him use the word 'newfangled' one time, so he's gotta be pretty far gone. INT. GILES' CAR - DAY ANGLE ON GILES and BUFFY, perusing a small piece of paper.
Lotta books on this shopping list you gave me. Any of them come on tape? You know, read by George Clooney or somebody cute like that?
We're entering a whole new realm here, Buffy. One for which even I, myself, am not entirely prepared. Are you ready for this commitment?
I was kidding. This Betty's ready. Color me committed.
(shifting the drive shaft) Blast!
Put it in "neutral" again, huh.
Not accustomed to automatic transmissions. I loathe this… Just sitting here, not contributing. No. No, this just isn't working out.
Giles, are you breaking up with your car?
Well, the damn thing did seduce me. All red and sporty.
Little two-door tramp.
(sighs wearily) I don't know… I've been so at loose ends. Searching for something to make me feel… He shakes it off.
Shallow?
Perhaps, as I am going to act as your watcher again, a modicum of respect might be appropriate…
Do I hafta?
I'm actually serious, Buffy. There's going to be far less time for the sort of flighty, frivolous- ON DAWN, pointing out the window.
Hey, there's Willow and Tara!
Oo, they haven't seen my new car. He HONKS the HORN, proudly. INT. SUNNYDALE STREET - DAY ON WILLOW and TARA on the sidewalk as GILES' car pulls up next to them. As the others get out…
Wow. Sharp wheels, Giles.
The rest of the car's nice, too.
Thank you. Handles like a dream.
(to Willow) Where you two headed?
Magic shop. Had some charms on back order. DAWN comes over.
Willow, hi!
(hugging her) Hey, Miss Dawny. How's my favorite chess partner? Still leading with your knight? DAWN nods shyly. INT. DAWN'S BEDROOM - THAT MORNING Dawn, writing away.
Willow's the awesomest person. She's the only one I know who likes school as much as me. INT. SUNNYDALE STREET - CONTINUOUS (DAY) Dawn watches as Willow crosses to Buffy and Giles.
Hey, Dawn. Dawn smiles warmly.
Even her friends are cool. Like Tara. INT. DAWN'S BEDROOM - THAT MORNING
She and Willow are both witches. They do spells and stuff which is so much cooler than slaying. I told mom one time I wish they'd teach me some of the things they do together, and she got really quiet and made me go upstairs. EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - CONTINUOUS (DAY)
I guess her generation isn't cool with witchcraft. NEW ANGLE - ON BUFFY, talking with Willow, as they walk. Giles and the others behind them.
Giles and I figured out a schedule around school. A block of time every day to just focus on my new Slayer training.
(gasp) That's a work ethic! Buffy, you're developing a work ethic!
Do they make an ointment for that?
People gotta respect a solid work ethic. (then) Look at you. Motivated Buffy, eager to soak up learning… You and I are going to have so much fun this semester.
Yeah… that reminds me. With the whole training schedule, I kinda had to drop a class…
That's understandable. Your slayer studies are way more important.
So I won't be taking Drama with you.
(stung) What?! You have to. You promised!
I know, Will, but Giles was saying-
The hell with Giles!
I can hear you, Willow
(ignoring him) Drama's just Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. You can blow off training Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, can't you?
What happened to "people gotta respect a work ethic?"
Other people. Not me. There's a whole best friend loophole. They arrive at the store.
Shop's kinda dark. Maybe it's closed.
That's odd. Giles opens the door and they enter. INT. MAGIC SHOP - CONTINUOUS (DAY) Inside, they freeze in the doorway.
Think "odd" just got upped to "bad." THEIR POV - PANNING, we see the shop has been ransacked. Books and other items pulled from the shelves. A GLASS CASE has been smashed. They move inside among the debris, looking around.
Hello? Is anyone here?
(calling out) Mr. Bogarty! Giles and Buffy look at her.
(explains) The owner. (others still looking) I'm in here a lot. ON WILLOW, wandering near the counter.
Maybe this happened really late in the night when no one was-whoa! She suddenly trips and falls to the floor. Tara moves to her.
Will?
I'm fine. Just tripped over… HER POV - A DEAD BODY, though she doesn't see its face.
Mr. Bogarty. Willow scrambles away as Tara helps her up. BUFFY and GILES move in to take a look. THEIR POV - THE GHOSTLY PALE BODY'S FACE and NECK are covered in PAIRS of PUNCTURE WOUNDS. If his hands or wrists can be seen… there are numerous such wounds on them as well. ON DAWN, whose view of the corpse is blocked by the others.
What is it? Is-Is he okay? Buffy turns to her.
It's nothing you need to see, Dawn. Go wait outside.
I don't wanna wait outside. What happened to-
Dawn! Buffy takes her by the arm and physically escorts her out.
Ow, that hurts… EXT. OUTSIDE THE MAGIC SHOP - DAY Buffy and Dawn exit the shop.
You're hurting me. I'm telling.
(releasing her) I don't have time for this. Just do like I say and wait here. Buffy re-enters the shop. Dawn paces, steamed. She tries to peek in the window. HER POV - THROUGH GLASS - Buffy and the others by the counter, looking down, presumably at the unseen body. ON DAWN, frustrated. She SIGHS, turns away from the window, and GASPS SHARPLY when she finds herself confronted with… A raving LUNATIC - dressed in a stained and torn business suit and tie; his face and hands are filthy, his hair matted, his eyes… the haunted look of one who's seriously deranged.
Hey! What are you doing? Terrified, Dawn stumbles back, but he moves in on her.
Wha--?
What are you doing HERE? Can't loiter. No loitering… That's why I'm a cat… Quiet... cat's in the cupboard, but they find you anyway… and it hurts… (remembering some agony) Please make it stop… He pulls at his hair, whimpering, then slaps himself.
Shut up! SHUT UP! They'll hear you!
(shouting) BUF-uhh! Her scream catches in her throat as she backs into a truck parked in a loading area, next to the store. Cornered. ON LUNATIC as he puts his face right up to Dawn's, holding a finger to her lips.
Shhhhh! (intimately) I know you… curds and whey… I know what you are… ON DAWN, seriously wigged, disappearing as the Lunatic steps toward her, his dark figure filling the screen…
You don't belong here. BLACK OUT.
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| Act Two |
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EXT. OUTSIDE THE MAGIC SHOP - DAY ANGLE ON THE FRONT DOOR as TARA comes out, looking around.
(calling) Dawn? REVERSE ANGLE - Dawn is nowhere in sight. And for that matter, neither is the Lunatic. Just some random traffic. TRACKING with her, TARA moves down the walk and finds… DAWN, sitting on the ground on the other side of the truck, leaning up against its wheels. She's unnerved, shaking…
Dawn… Are you okay? Dawn looks up at her.
Is- Is that guy dead in there?
Yeah. Tara sits down next to her. Dawn is quiet, taking it in.
They're gonna be a little while longer, doing the detective thing. Best non-Scoobies like you and me stay out of their way. Dawn nods. They sit in silence for a beat, then…
Do you wanna thumb-wrestle?
Okay. They commence, still a little somber. INT. MAGIC SHOP - DAY ON BUFFY and GILES crouched by the body.
Judging by the bite fest I'd say this was more than one vampire.
I'd make it four, at least. They both stand.
Looks like someone's put together a new fang club. WILLOW enters from the back carrying an open binder.
I've cross-checked the inventory and some things were definitely taken. Mostly books, including one called A Treatise on the Mythology and Methodology of Vampire Slayers. Buffy pulls her shopping list out of a pocket and scans it.
Shoot. Was that the only copy? GILES takes the binder from Willow and peruses its pages.
This could be very serious, Buffy. Whoever's leading this pack of vampires appears to be interested in learning more about you. Perhaps searching for weaknesses or- (noticing something) Good lord…
(anxious) What? What is it?!
(re: page in binder) I had no idea the profit margin for a shop like this could be so high. Buffy and Willow share a look.
I mean, look at this… Low overhead, Out- of-State orders, International… No wonder there's never any trouble attracting new owners. This place is a virtual-
(interrupting) Deathtrap?
(looking up) Hmm? (realizing) Well, yes. Yes, there is that. Still, the location, in terms of pedestrian traffic…
So what's the next step?
Buffy I think you should begin an immediate search for their lair.
(nodding) I'll get Riley to join me.
Aren't you forgetting something, Buffy? Buffy looks at her, drawing a blank. In the b.g. we see Giles looking about.
Impressive square footage…
You're on Dawn duty.
Oh, duty. I've got to drop my sister off at home first. (then) My mother's gonna kill me. ON GILES - scrutinizing the broken glass case. It's full of crystal balls, porcelain and crystal figurines, etc.
And I'll bet the deathrate keeps the rent down - oh. Something's been taken from this case. (pointing to a vacant pedestal) See here?
What did they take?
Perhaps an item of great value. Or power. Possibly even-
A unicorn. ON WILLOW, reading from the inventory list.
A ten-inch ceramic unicorn, imported from Thailand.
Is that valuable?
(reading) List price: $12.95 CLOSE ON GILES as he leans down, examining the glass case.
Which begs the question: what sort of unholy creature fancies cheap tasteless statuary? INT. CAVE LAIR - MEANWHILE (DAY) ON HARMONY - perched on a stone ledge. A hulking, slow-thinking, short-tempered VAMP (MORT) stands by her side, on ground level. She addresses THREE OTHER VAMPS (PEACHES, CYRUS and BRAD).
Okay, hi. First of all I want to thank everybody for a really successful raid last night on the Magic Shop… (clapping) Good good job, minions. ON THE VAMPS as they take her cue and applaud for themselves.
Yes, you deserve it. Secondly, somebody remembered to pick me up the sweetest unicorn… She holds up the tacky ceramic UNICORN.
Brad…? ON BRAD, a young ex-jock-type, grinning, embarrassed - If vamps blush, he's doing it.
(teasing) Guess someone was feeling guilty for standing me up in tenth grade. She hands it to MORT, who places it on a nearby table FILLED with other unicorn figurines of varying shapes and sizes. Her unicorn poster hangs on the wall above, and next to it a full-sized carousel unicorn. ON THE VAMPS - PEACHES (a trucker she-vamp) and CYRUS (a thin, sickly-looking he-vamp) look at BRAD, who shrugs.
(sotto, to others) What? Had to get her something. She sired me.
(aside to Cyrus) Sire-whipped. BACK ON HARMONY
Anyway, those books you brought me to help with the plan - I've been skimming through some of the book jackets all morning and, let me tell you, I think there's some pretty useful stuff in there so… CYRUS raises his hand.
(pointing to him) Yes, um… Sorry, forgot your name.
Cyrus.
Cyrus, right. Peaches' friend. What's your question?
When are we gonna do it? HARMONY reacts, offended.
Ew. That's rude. I barely know you. And you're a minion!
He means "the plan." When are we gonna do the plan?
Ohh, the plan! Well, first let me say, I'm really psyched about it. And I hope the rest of you guys are just as-
(snapping) When?!
(quickly) Tonight!! ON THE OTHER VAMPS, nodding and grunting their approval. HARMONY relaxes and smile, feeling good about herself.
We kill the Slayer tonight. INT. JOYCE'S BEDROOM - LATE AFTERNOON ON JOYCE, none-too-pleased, as she finishes getting dressed.
So not only didn't you take your sister shopping for school supplies, you brought her to a murder scene. As she moves to the jewelry box on her dresser, we pick up BUFFY standing near the doorway.
I didn't bring her to it. It just sorta came upon us… INT. DAWN'S BEDROOM - CONT. - LATE AFTERNOON Dawn sits on her bed, listening to Joyce and Buffy argue - still unnerved by the event outside the Magic Shop.
It's not like she saw the body or anything.
(sarcastic) Oh, well, that makes it all right then, doesn't it? INT. JOYCE'S BEDROOM - CONT. - LATE AFTERNOON JOYCE puts on her earrings. BUFFY'S reflection is in the mirror.
That's not what I meant.
I asked one favor of you, Buffy. To keep an eye on your sister. And now you want to unload her so you and Riley can go out.
To patrol. I'm working. It's not like we're going to the sock-hop.
Well, I've got to be at the pre-showing Reception in half an hour. Who's going to watch Dawn? From her bedroom, we hear Dawn shout:
I don't need anyone to watch me!
(yelling back) Yes, you do!
So you're saying if I can get a babysitter over here before you leave, I can go patrol now.
Babysitter?! I'm fourteen! I'm old enough to be a babysitter.
(to Buffy) And who are you going to get on such short notice? Buffy thinks for a moment, then comes to an answer.
(getting fed up) I can take care of my-
(to Joyce) Xander.
Xander? We hear a door FLUNG OPEN and Dawn race down the hallway to appear in Joyce's doorway, flushed, then blasé.
O-kay. INT. BUFFY'S FOYER - LATE AFTERNOON The front door opens revealing XANDER, holding a pizza box.
Dawn Patrol! Check this out: They put cheese on round bread. It's gonna be big. WIDEN to find DAWN by the door. She beams as Xander enters.
Xander… JOYCE appears, ready to go.
Xander, hi, thanks for doing this.
Total non-sweat. DAWN'S POV - Xander talking to Joyce.
He is so so so cute. And funny. And brave. Just last week he went undercover to stop that Dracula guy. NEW ANGLE as Joyce looks at Dawn.
Dawn, you be good.
We will. Just gonna play with some matches, run with scissors, take candy from… some guy, I don't know his name. He WINKS at Dawn and crosses into the living room as Joyce exits. ON DAWN, melting.
Xander treats everyone like an equal. He doesn't look down on people - Anya enters, carrying board games. Puts on a smile.
(sees Dawn) Hello there, little girl.
Even when he should.
We are gonna have fun fun fun. Look. We've got, uh… (reading the sides of the boxes) Monopoly… Clue… ooh, The Game of Life, that sounds really good… Dawn's not impressed. EXT. UC SUNNYDALE CAMPUS - EARLY EVENING To establish.
Poor Dawn... INT. WILLOW'S DORM ROOM - EARLY EVENING Willow is setting up her new single dorm room. Tara is helping, emptying a couple of moving boxes.
She was pretty shaken up.
Well, sure. Bloody death and stuff. (comforting smile) She'll be okay. Tara nods. Willow senses there's more.
What?
It's just... I think... It's tough for her. Not being able to... allowed to... you know, help.
Help?
Out. You. You guys. The slayer circle.
Oh, well, Buffy really doesn't-- And I think Dawn's a little young to--
I know. You're right. It's just hard. The outsider feeling. Willow eyes her a moment.
Tara. You're not an outsider.
Well, yah. Kinda am.
(adamant) No. No, you're not.
Willow, it's okay. We're talking about Dawn--
(protective turn) Is someone making you feel uncomfortable? Is it Xander? It's Xander, isn't it?
Xander's a sweetie.
It's Giles. It's 'cause he's British and doesn't understand about stuff. Willow's working up a head of steam. Tara cannot but smile at it.
It's no one. She picks up a box, places it on the bed as she speaks, turning her back to Willow.
You guys all just have this really tight bond. It's hard to break into that. I'm not even sure I want to. Willow comes up behind Tara and wraps her arms around her.
I'm sure. Tara molds back into Willow, putting her arms over Willow's.
You're completely one of the gang now. Everyone accepts that. You're one of the good guys. Inexplicably self-conscious at that, Tara's eyes drift to the floor, then away. Willow doesn't notice. Tara starts pulling stuff out of the box, breaking the embrace.
Maybe I can talk to the others and we can do something. You know, a kind of scoobie initiation-- (then) Oo, maybe we can all wear some special ring that identifies us as members--
(interrupting, again amused) I don't think so. But maybe something like that would be nice for Dawn. I do worry about her sometimes.
You don't have to. She's got big sister Buffy happily looking out for her. EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT Buffy and Riley are moving among the tombstones, searching. Buffy's in mid-rant.
…so then my mom goes off on me about how I'm supposed to watch Dawn and make sure she's shielded from stuff that might upset her-
Like dead shop keepers.
She didn't see him! A foot maybe. A dead foot. Which is bad, okay, but - hello - I see dead stuff all the time. You don't see mom shielding me.
(dubious) So… You want your mother to give you space to be the slayer - and shield you from it at the same time.
Thank you, logic boy. Did I mention this is a rant? Sense has no place in it.
I'm getting that. What's the deal, Buffy? You seem really- Before he can finish his thought, Buffy puts a hand out and stops Riley short. She tenses, seeing something in the distance. A beat. Then Buffy relaxes, embarrassed.
Trash can. From a distance it looked kinda…
Tense.
Not really - more, round and… squat and-
Uh uh. Back to what I was saying before we were rudely attacked by nothing. You seem really tense.
Well, yeah. We have a new vampire gang in town.
I mean, domestically tense. You're on Dawn's case a lot.
I guess. It's just - I know it's always been this way… She's the baby. But, for some reason, it's really been getting to me lately. She's always around.
Well, yeah. You're like her idol, Buffy.
Idol? I don't think so. Unless she likes to spill stuff on her idol's new leather pants and-
You know what I mean. You have super powers, and college, a studly yet sensitive boyfriend-
-and a pesky life-or-death job I can't quit or even take a break from.
She doesn't get the sacrifices. She's a kid.
Which is what bugs! She gets to be a kid, and she acts like it's the biggest burden in the world. When, sometimes, all I want to do is curl up in mom's lap and not worry about the fate of the world. I'd like to be the one who's all protected, who's waited on- INT. BUFFY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT CLOSE ON DAWN, sitting on the floor, eating a bowl of chocolate ice cream.
…hand and foot. Always getting her own way. Always the favorite. WIDEN to see XANDER, lying on the floor. The Game of Life board game spread out in front of him. Nearby a nearly empty pizza box and a carton of chocolate ice cream with spoons in it.
You nut! Your mom loves you both equally. (sotto) But, if I'm wrong, I find cash usually helps tip the scale. Slip Joyce a ten or twenty once in a while and we'll see who's the favorite. DAWN'S POV - XANDER looking at her, grinning.
He says I'm like a kid sister. But sometimes when he looks at me I feel like he sees me as I am… ON DAWN, gazing lovingly at Xander - with chocolate all over her mouth.
…as a woman.
Oh crap. Dawn, annoyed, looks over at ANYA, who's moved her "car" playing piece onto a space.
Look at this. Now I am burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children and more cash than I can reasonably manage.
That means you're winning.
Really?
Yes. Cash equals good.
Oh, I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash? CRASH! The FRONT WINDOW SHATTERS as something is thrown through it. Glass sprays everywhere. Dawn SCREAMS. Xander instinctively pushes her down and cowers, along with Anya. Then, he sees… XANDER'S POV - A ROCK on the floor with a NOTE tied to it. He picks up the rock and removes the note. INSERT NOTE: Written in BLOOD red, it reads: "Slayer - Come Out and Die!" The "I" over the last word is dotted with a "smiley face."
(reading) "Slayer - Come out and Die!" Anya and Xander share a look, when FROM OUTSIDE, they hear:
(calling) I'm waiting for you, Buffy. They turn to look out the shattered window and see… THEIR POV - A smug HARMONY and her gang, standing poised and ready on the front lawn, armed with heavy chains, axes, etc.
I know you're in there! INT./EXT. BUFFY'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER - NIGHT ON HARMONY, on the front stoop, looking all pouty. Her minions standing around restlessly in the B.G.
What do you mean she's not in there?! REVERSE ANGLE on XANDER on the other side of the front door. A scared Dawn peeks out from behind Anya who hangs back a bit.
She has to be. I'm calling her out!
And I bet she'll be real sorry she missed your call. (looking past her) Afraid you and your buddies are gonna have to come back and be killed by Buffy later.
They're not my buddies. (with attitude) They're my minions.
(squinting at her) They're what now?
Minions. You know… Lackeys. They work for me. Xander looks at her, then at the other vamps, then back to her… THEN BURSTS OUT LAUGHING. ON HARMONY, getting really pissed.
What's so funny?
(through his laughter) Nothing. What could be funny? Just… Look out, it's the terrifying Harmony gang! Ooooo!
Stop laughing! She tries to come at him, but is pushed back by the invisible force blocking the entrance. DAWN jumps back a bit at Harmony's attempt to enter. She watches Xander bravely standing his ground, still guffawing.
I just… I just can't picture anyone pathetic enough to be following- He looks over at her gang.
Is that Brad Bellamy? Ha! (calling to him) Hey, Brad, who'd have thought when you were beating up kids in gym class, you'd end up Harmony's lapdog. ON BRAD, snarling.
Screw you, Harris. ON HARMONY, an evil grin crosses her face.
You should know all about being somebody's lapdog. I hear you were a good little puppy for Dracula. ON XANDER, sobering.
You heard wrong.
Aw, don't feel bad. I hear that mind control thing he does works really well on weak, fraidy-cat, losers. You didn't stand a chance. DAWN comes out from behind Anya.
Shut up!
(turning to her) Dawn, I'm handling this. (turning back) Shut up, Harmony.
Make me.
Don't feel like having another hair-pulling contest with you.
You're the hair-puller, you big girl.
Oh, yeah? Come inside and say that. Xander'll kick your-
Dawn, NO! Xander and Harmony both shoot stunned looks at Dawn. Before Xander turns back. HARMONY MORPHS into vampface and, fangs bared, lunges through the doorway. BLACK OUT.
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| Act Three |
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INT. BUFFY'S FOYER - NIGHT Continued from the previous… HARMONY pounces on Xander. DAWN SCREAMS and runs upstairs as Harmony pushes Xander down onto the foot of the stairs. As Xander struggles with Harmony, ANYA looks around for something to hit her with. The other VAMPS rush up to the doorway. They try to enter but the invisible force keeps them out.
(to minions) Invitation was for one. HARMONY backhands Xander, painfully.
Not such a pushover anymore, am I? ON ANYA, grabbing a nearby lamp.
(under her breath) You'd think a slayer's house would have more weapons lying around. HARMONY moves closer to Xander's throat.
I've been working out. Learning some new tricks… Honing my… Behind her, Anya appears, about to smash the lamp over her head, when, with striking suddenness… HARMONY springs up to her feet, swats the lamp out of Anya's hand, smashing it, and SNARLS at her.
…instincts. ON XANDER - He brings up both feet and kicks Harmony in the gut, sending her out the front door and into her minions. Anya slams the door shut. Xander joins her in holding it closed as he bolts it.
This isn't over, Xander. I'll be back.
And we'll be ready for you. Stakes, crosses… the whole enchilada. Xander and Anya share a look…
Buffy is not going to be happy about this. INT. BUFFY'S KITCHEN - LATER (NIGHT) ON BUFFY - LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY
Har- (snort) Harmony has mi-minions? WIDEN to include Riley, who smiles, finding Buffy's state infectious; a deadpan Anya and a somewhat more serious Xander.
Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction.
I'm sorry… I just… (new laughter) Harmony has minions!
And Ruffles have ridges. Buffy, there's actually a more serious side to all this…
(eyes tearing) I hope so. I'm having trouble breathing. (pulling herself together) Like what?
Well… (working into it) She did come here to kill you. Buffy loses it, off on a new LAUGHING jag.
(through his grin) Buffy, c'mon. They've killed once that we know of. She could be a threat to you.
Especially now that she can enter your house anytime she wants. That did it. Buffy quickly sobers, the mirth draining out of her. She and the others look at Anya.
What? Xander jumps in to get the heat off Anya.
Uh, yeah, actually, she… Harmony… kinda happened to sorta get an invite.
You can't invite her in. Only someone who lives here can- As the realization comes to her, so does a slow boil. She starts toward the exit.
Where is she?!
In her room. I think she's still pretty freaked out.
DAWN! Xander heads her off, blocking the way.
Buff, it was an accident. She didn't mean it.
Oh, well, that makes it all right then, doesn't it?
No, but believe me… Nobody feels worse than her right now. EXT. GRAVEYARD - MEANWHILE (NIGHT) ON HARMONY, trudging through the cemetery with her gang, WHINING to Mort.
What a total disaster! My first plan. I so wanted it to go well. Plus I didn't even get to kill stupid Xander Harris. God, that was so embarrassing.
We'll go back later.
(defeated) No, it's no good. Buffy's going to expect us now. The whole surprise is blown. ANGLE ON BRAD, CYRUS and PEACHES, trailing behind. One of them emits a LOW GROWL.
(to Cyrus) Who you growling at?
Not me. My stomach. If I don't eat someone soon, I get dizzy.
Let's go back to the lair. That census taker may not be empty yet.
Not me. Night's young. I wanna see some action. On that, he gets tapped on the shoulder. He turns and a fist smashes into his face, sending him flying. The others turn to see SPIKE, flicking his cigarette away, ready for a tussle.
Happy to oblige. And here I thought it was gonna be a slow night. CYRUS and PEACHES move to attack him.
Step on up, kiddies. Thrashings for all.
Stop. The vamps halt their advance. She steps out from behind them. Spike sees her for the first time.
Well… Hello, Harm.
(coolly) Spikey. (correcting herself) I mean… Spike.
Long time. You look good.
I feel good.
(a sly smile) I remember. Harmony takes a deep breath, resisting any of his charms.
How've you been?
Not bad. Just got a brand new telly in my crypt, so- MORT crosses to Harmony, glaring at Spike.
Why are you talking to him?
It's okay, we used to go steady. Spike, Mort. Mort, this is-
I know who he is. He kills our kind.
(remembering) Oh, yeah… (to Spike) What's up with that?
(shrugs) Bloke needs a hobby, don't he? Piss off, Mort. Mort makes a move toward Spike.
Mort. Just give us… couple minutes. 'Kay? Mort, reluctantly, moves off with the others.
(re: Mort) He's really testy. Some of us are thinking about voting him out of the gang.
Gang?
Oh, yeah. (pumping herself up) I've got my own gang now.
Is that what those circus freaks are?
Uh huh. I mean - shut up! We're gonna kill the Slayer. Spike eyes her, incredulously.
Singing my song now, are you. Should pay me royalties for that one. Or at least get your own tune.
I'm not going to make the same mistakes you did. I'm doing my homework. Reading books and stuff.
What, Evil for Dummies? Look at you, all puffed up and mighty. Thinking you're the new Big Bad. It's… well, let's face it, it's adorable.
You just can't stand the fact that I'm my own person now. There comes a time in a woman's life when she realizes she has to take that next step. I've taken it. I've found the real me, and I like her.
Hope you'll be very happy together. In the meantime, save slayer slaying for the professionals.
You'll see… Buffy'll be dead by sunrise. I've got a plan.
Let me guess: snatch one of her friends, use 'em as bait, leader her into a trap? That sort of thing? Harmony hesitates, liking the sound of that.
(hardly) Nnno-o! Much, much better one. Spike looks at her, waiting.
I'm not gonna tell you.
Thought as much… Well, best o-luck. Let me know how this arch villain thing works out for you. He backs away and takes off into the darkness.
I'll do that. And after Buffy's gone, I'm gonna kill everybody in this town who's ever been mean to me. Spike! She turns back toward the other vamps, newly energized.
Guys! New plan… INT. BUFFY'S BEDROOM - MEANWHILE (NIGHT) Buffy, Riley and Xander are there as Buffy grabs a jacket out of her closet. Riley eyes a slew of weapons on the bed.
Lot of weapons for somebody you weren't sweating twenty minutes ago.
That was before I found out my sister gave Harmony a backstage pass to kill us in our sleep.
Buff, I left word with Willow. She'll come, do a return engagement of her uninvitation spell - probably still has the stuff from last week - and, bang-boom, you're back in the Fortress of Solitude. All better.
No, not all better, Xander. It's not like she hasn't grown up in this house, knowing the rules… INT. BUFFY'S UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT ON DAWN, standing against the wall, next to the partially ajar door to Buffy's room, eavesdropping.
Especially the biggie, Numero One-o: Do NOT invite bloodsucking dead people into our home. INT. BUFFY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
(an aside) I mean, please, I'd never have Harmony over here when she was alive.
Okay, granted, it was Dawn's bad, but she's just a kid-
Will everyone stop saying that? I was a kid when I met my first vampire and, somehow, I remembered the rules.
You had to, it was your job-
It was common sense. But nobody expects even that much from Dawn, do they? INT. BUFFY'S UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT CLOSE ON DAWN, as she hears:
No, Dawn has to be coddled and protected from the big bad world. Well, you know what? We're turning Dawn into a little idiot whose going to get us all killed! Stricken, Dawn takes off, OUT OF FRAME. Before she can hear: INT. BUFFY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT She pauses, then speaks more evenly - her true concern for Dawn showing through.
She's got to be more careful. I can't be there to watch over her twenty-four hours a day. I just can't. INT. BUFFY'S KITCHEN - A MOMENT LATER - NIGHT ANYA is there, pouring herself some coffee as DAWN (or perhaps someone who looks like her from the back) runs past, flings open the back door, and takes off.
Hey, don't-Dawn! She goes after her… EXT. BUFFY'S BACKYARD - A MOMENT LATER - NIGHT ON DAWN, distraught. She pauses for a moment, thinking, when she's suddenly GRABBED. She turns to face…
What do you think you're doing?
Leave me alone.
(dragging her back) I will after you come back inside the house.
Let go of me! They get to the rear entrance.
No. It's not safe out here.
Got that right. Anya and Dawn spin around to find the four VAMPIRES. Two vamps grab Dawn, covering her mouth to muffle her SCREAM. Mort punches Anya, sending her back through the back door. Her arm hits the door frame, her head hits the floor with a sickening crack. But she lands out of vamp range, in the house. Mort stares a moment, sullen. Then takes off with the others and a futilely struggling Dawn. BLACK OUT.
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| Act Four |
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INT. BUFFY'S KITCHEN - A BIT LATER - NIGHT Buffy, Riley and Xander enter. She immediately notices… BUFFY'S POV - The open back door - nothing but inky black night outside.
What's that door doing-
(seeing: ) Anya! He runs to Anya, barely conscious, on the floor, and props her up in his arms as Buffy looks out the door.
Vampires… they took… Riley grabs a chair and helps Xander put Anya in it. He looks at the bleeding bump on her head.
That head wound looks bad. We better get her to a hospital.
Took her…
Easy, Ahn. Don't try to talk.
Dawn…
What? Anya, what about Dawn?
She ran out… Took her… Vampires. She passes out. ON BUFFY, as terror fills her and she panics.
Oh God. Oh God… Resolve comes over her as she hurries out the back door.
(calling after her) Buffy… ?!
(not looking back) Take care of Anya. And she's gone into the night. INT. HARMONY'S LAIR - NIGHT ON HARMONY - back on the stone ledge, addressing Peaches, Cyrus and Brad, who seem more irritated than inspired by Harmony's speech. Mort's not there.
(applauding) All right, once again, nice work minionators! I'm really, really proud of you guys. Mort enters.
Ah, Mort. I trust you've made our guest… comfortable. Mort squints at her, confused.
You told me to chain her to a wall.
Yeah, I know. I was being… you know… sarcastic or whatever. Mort just stares at her, blankly.
Anyway, I'm feeling really good about this new plan, people. I think it's a winner.
When do we eat the girl?
We don't. Not yet.
Why not?
Because. That's not the plan. (sighs wearily) Do I have to go over the plan again? We use the sister as bait. We send Buffy a note…
More notes.
(ignoring her) We send Buffy a note telling her if she wants to see her sister again, she has to come, alone, to a place we choose. She comes, we jump her, we kill her.
So it doesn't really matter if we're actually holding the Slayer's sister, as long as she thinks we are, she'll walk into the trap.
I guess…
So it won't make any difference if we eat the girl now.
We're not eating the girl.
Why not?
'Cause… That's not the plan. The vamps look at each other. Their discontent growing. INT. SPIKE'S CRYPT - MEANWHILE - NIGHT ON SPIKE, fiddling with the antenna on a 19-inch TV set he's got set up. Several extension cords are strung together and run out from the crypt's small window. There appears to be an old B&W movie on the TV, though it's difficult to tell through all the "snow" and lack of horizontal hold.
Bollix! Gonna have to pinch me one a those satellite dishes. The crypt's door makes a SCRAPING sound as Buffy storms in.
(coolly) Well, well… speaking of dishes. To what do I owe this unpleasant- She punches him in the nose, then grabs him by the lapels.
Oww! Bloody hell!
I don't have time to banter with you, Spike. Where's Harmony's lair?
Haven't seen her in months. How should I--? She punches him in the nose again.
Owww!
Where is she?
At least lay off the nose. She pulls back her fist again.
Okay, okay… Used to have a cave in the north woods. About forty meters past the overpass construction site. She lets go of him, he relaxes. Then she pops him one in the nose again.
Owww!!! I'm telling you the truth! Buffy turns to leave.
I know. She rushes out, leaving Spike, glaring after her, nursing his sore nose. INT. ANTECHAMBER OF HARMONY'S LAIR - MEANWHILE - NIGHT ON HARMONY, pacing, anxious.
They don't respect me. They pretend they do, but deep down they think I'm nothing. I mean, I'm the one who put this group together. Me! But they treat me like I don't even matter… WIDEN to see she's talking to DAWN, chained to the wall. There are numerous weapons and instruments of pain laying about.
You have any idea what that feels like?
A little.
They have no idea how much pressure I'm under. I have to make all the hard decisions. And it's hard! Dawn cowers as Mort and the others enter.
Excuse me. I didn't hear anybody knock.
We've been talking it over, and we decided we don't like this plan. Brad clears his throat.
Except for Brad. He abstained.
Oh, really. You have a plan you like better?
We're going to feed on the girl. And kill you. Maybe not in that order. Harmony reacts. Then tries to maintain a commanding presence.
I don't think I like your attitude, Mort. (to others) Kill him for me. None of the vamps make a move.
All right. You're all on my list. They advance on her. She backs up.
(whining) This isn't fair. Okay, so things haven't been perfect. I just need a little more time to grow into my leadership role.
Time's up. He grabs Harmony by the throat as the other vamps move in on Dawn. As terrified as Dawn is, she says to Cyrus, defiantly:
My sister is so gonna kill you. Cyrus smiles, takes his finger and pokes her on the shoulder. He and the other vamps LAUGH at his little joke and keep laughing right up to the moment there's a WHISTLING SOUND and a stake protrudes from Cyrus' chest. He has time to look at it before he POOFS into dust. The others spin around to see BUFFY, standing at the entrance.
Can't say she didn't warn him. ON DAWN, smiling with relief. Brad and Peaches grab weapons - a mace and BATTLE AXE, respectively. ON MORT, releasing Harmony, who gives him a look.
(sotto, to Mort) And you didn't like the plan. ON BUFFY, whipping out another stake, throwing a glance to her sister.
Close your eyes, Dawn. Dawn complies.
(stepping forward) So, Slayer… At last we meet.
We've met, Harmony, you half-wit. Dawn can't help but peek as Brad and Peaches charge Buffy.
I'm the half-wit? Uh, excuse me, but you're the one who's fallen into my… Peaches swings the axe at Buffy, who ducks it and stakes the big she-vamp hard. As she POOFS into dust, Buffy catches the axe in mid-air, swings around and DECAPITATES Brad. His head and body never hit the floor as they, too, disintegrate. QUICK SHOT of Dawn, flinching, pinching her eyes shut again.
(less secure) …uh, trap.
Harmony, when you tried being head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the Homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad… You suck. She takes a step towards Harmony. ON DAWN, peeking again, her eyes suddenly widening.
Buffy, watch out! Before Buffy can react, Mort SLAMS her in the back with a heavy HAMMER, sending her into a wall, dazing her.
Oo, good shot, Mort. I think you've… got her on the, uh- Mort glares at her. She suddenly turns and runs away. He tries to hit Buffy with the hammer again, but she spins out of its way, leaving her stakes behind. Much fast-paced, brutal fighty, eventually spilling into… INT. HARMONY'S LAIR - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT The fighting continues. Mort is strong and Buffy's unarmed. He gets the advantage on her…
You're outta stakes, Slayer. As he raises the hammer, Buffy notices… HER POV - THE CAROUSEL UNICORN ON BUFFY - She manages to duck his blow, and in one quick move, grips the UNICORN under its belly and RAMS the entire thing through his chest. POOF, he dust. INT. ANTECHAMBER OF HARMONY'S LAIR - A MOMENT LTR - NIGHT ON DAWN, looking up to see… BUFFY enter. Dawn looks shaken - and not sure what Buffy is gonna do. Buffy picks up the BATTLE AX lying on the ground and moves to Dawn.
You are gonna be in so much trouble when we get home. She hits the chain with the ax. SPARKS fly.
(weakly) Oh, yeah? Well, I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me.
Then I'll have to tell her you ran out of the house in the middle of the night and got Anya hurt… She strikes with the ax again. SPARKS INT. BUFFY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT The girls silently file in the back door. The moment it's shut Joyce enters, dropping her keys on the counter and taking off her coat. She clearly just arrived, and doesn't know they left.
Sorry it ran so late. Everything go okay? Dawn looks worriedly at Buffy, who hesitates.
Yeah. Got the vamps, and we, uh, watched some TV.
Well, at least one of us is supposed to be in bed by now. Dawn goes, kissing mom and looking at Buffy as she exits. Buffy returns the look for a moment, then turns to Joyce as Joyce opens the fridge.
So how was the exhibit?
Buffy probably would have gotten in way more trouble than me anyway. INT. MAGIC SHOP - ANOTHER MORNING (DAY ?) Dawn sits in the corner, writing in her journal. Buffy and Giles are looking about the place. Much of the inventory is gone or in boxes - the place has a transitory look.
But I guess it was pretty okay of her not to say anything to mom. Anya's gonna be okay, and Xander wasn't mad at me, so stuff mostly worked out.
Giles, are you sure about this?
Why wouldn't I be?
Well, apart from the fact that magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal-Tap drummer, have you ever run a store before?
I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except that people pay for the things they never return. This will give me focus, help me increase my resources - and keep you lot from tramping about my flat at all hours. There may even be space for you to train in the back.
Boy, you've really thought this through. (beat) How bored were you last year?
I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it.
Well, let's look at the back. She steps in (what little we can see is piled with boxes) after Giles. Pokes her head back out to look at Dawn.
Don't break anything. Dawn glares. Buffy goes, then pops back.
Don't touch anything. Buffy goes -
Not that Buffy's really changed at all. Like she ever would. - pops back.
What you're doing there is fine. Not moving. Do that. She goes at last, Dawn breaking her glare to begin scribbling again.
She still thinks I'm little miss nobody, just her dumb little sister. Boy, is she in for a surprise. Dawn looks up briefly, then continues to scribble. BLACK OUT.
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