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Superstar Jonathan performs a Mary-Sue spell and becomes everything to everybody.
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INT. TARA'S ROOM - NIGHT TARA and Willow sit crosslegged on Tara's
bed, talking while
Next thing I know, this crazed vamp's like, running right at me. And I know if it gets past me, there's no telling who's in danger next--
Come on, you have fun, admit it. Livin' the Scooby life.
I was trying for a kind of stoic bravery. But, yeah. I mean it was very exciting, with the ceiling coming in and everything. Willow and Tara tape the photos onto the
wall by the bed.
(off picture) Oh, that's a cute one. (then) And Buffy? She was okay?
She was great. Twang-poof. (off Tara's look) That was the sound. Crossbow, vampire dust. I mean, she was a little cranky she missed that one vamp --
I kinda meant personally. That whole thing with Faith, that pretty much freaked me out and I was just sensing it from a distance.
Oh. Well, yeah. I know she's not over the thing with Riley sleeping with Faith. You know what I mean-- Faith's insides, in Buffy's outsides, when her insides were out. ANGLE: THE GIRLS WITH THE WALL BEHIND THEM For the first time we see that all the photos are of Jonathan and that they form a huge collage.
I hope they'll be okay.
I'm sure it'll blow over. They're probably all with the smoochies right now. INT. THE BRONZE - NIGHT Drums pound. A band plays on stage. Willow and Tara are among the dancing couples. Buffy, Riley, Xander and Anya share a table. Buffy and Riley look ill at ease as Xander and Anya squabble. On stage, Jonathan, wearing a white dinner jacket and holding a highball, steps into the spotlight. The place erupts in applause. Girls crowd around the stage at Jonathan's feet. Willow and Tara return to the table to watch. AT THE TABLE: Buffy and Riley dance.
(as the band starts up again) Oh my God. He's gonna do something off the new album.
EXT. CAMPUS - NIGHT Buffy, Willow and Tara are walking home.
I'm glad you're okay. Everyone in the Bronze was pretty freaked out after you all left.
So I guess you have to go fight this thing, huh?
All the weapons are at Giles', it won't take long--
No go.
Did you just go no go?
Jonathan did. Said it's some kind of brainless beastie. He's gonna take care of it himself.
Oh. Cool.
I guess. It was a little... I don't know. For a second I thought he looked... like... scared.
Um, Buffy, this is Jonathan. You know he doesn't get scared. You talked about it when you gave him the Class Protector Award at the Prom.
Right. They reach a fork in the path.
(indicating the path) Um-- my exit. Willow, I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay. Tara starts to walk away. As she goes, Willow puts a hand on Tara's shoulder, lets it drift down Tara's arm, gives her hand a warm squeeze before they part. Willow and Buffy walk on. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Tara heads alone down a dark hall from a side door toward the commons area. The hall is scary around her and the commons promises safety ahead. She hears something behind her and she walks faster. But she's misjudged the direction of the danger. The Monster steps out from around a corner in front of her and she finds herself face-to-face with it. It reaches out with one of its massive forearms and swats her to the ground, face-down. It pummels her with its arms, tearing at her with its claws. It looks like she's being torn apart. BLACK OUT INT. HALLWAY/COMMONS - NIGHT Tara SCREAMS and resists, tearing away and scrambling down the hall. She can see the commons just ahead. Bleeding and bruised, she half-crawls, half-runs for the commons, making it there just in time to see a JANITOR DISAPPEAR UP THE STAIRS, TURNING OUT THE LIGHTS AS HE GOES. She starts to yell, but the Monster knocks her to the floor and she gasps for breath.
(raggedly, in Latin) Sensus confundantur et aer oppleatur. Caligo absorbeat mentem obscuratam.
Confound the senses and charge the air. Mist engulfs. Mind is fogged. A burst of smoke forms around her hands. She points at the monster with a shaking finger and the smoke streams out to surround it. The Monster ROARS, confused.
Tara drags herself away from it, to a closed door labeled "Janitorial supplies." She opens the door, crawls in, and just manages to close the door. Then he is at it, battering it fiercely. INT. CLOSET - NIGHT A small dark space. Tara huddles in the corner, injured and frightened. Her face is bruised and she clutches her bleeding leg. The Monster can still be heard POUNDING AT THE DOOR. DISSOLVE TO: INT. TARA'S DORM ROOM - MORNING The pounding becomes an URGENT KNOCKING at Tara's door. Willow hurries to answer it. She opens it to reveal Buffy.
Willow, what's going on? I got here as fast as I could. Willow steps aside, REVEALING Tara, curled up on her own bed, trembling and bloodied, her clothing torn.
Oh my god. Buffy and Willow go to Tara's side. Willow sits on the floor next to the bed. She cleans the cuts on Tara's arms and hands, as she was obviously doing before she was interrupted.
(upset) She's going to be okay, but she's terrified.
What happened? What did this? Willow is upset, off on her own track.
Someone found her in the janitor's closet about an hour ago. I think she was there all night. All alone. Willow is about to cry.
Tara, what did this?
(weakly) Big. Lumpy. And it had a thing on it's head. Like a Greek letter only not. Buffy freezes. She picks up a piece of paper from the nightstand, quickly draws the Monster's mark. She holds it up for Tara.
This? Was it this? Tara looks at it... nods. Buffy sits down on a chair - hit hard by the information. Willow still sits on the floor next to Tara, holding the injured girl's hand.
Buffy? Jonathan said we were safe! Jonathan said it.
I guess... I guess he made a mistake.
He doesn't make mistakes. Remember the SATs? He got a perfect score and then he recreated the original proof of Fermat's last theorem in the margins around the answer bubbles!
(confused) You're right. He doesn't make mistakes. EXT. CAMPUS - DAY Buffy, Xander, Anya, Willow, Riley and Tara sit at the base of a tree on campus. Tara is still bruised, but looks otherwise recovered.
I can't believe we believed it.
It seemed so real.
In that world it was real.
Alternate realities are neat.
You know what I'll always remember?
Well, the swimsuit calendar's sticking in my mind. (off Buffy's look) Not in a good way.
I'll always remember the way he made me feel about me. Valued and respected. Sort of tingly. And now I'm just... empty.
Poor Xander, I guess he hurt you most of all.
(raising hand) Um...
Right. After Tara, of course.
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